No, we’re not asking for your phone digits. We’re diving into that loaded, often whispered, sometimes shouted “number” – the one that carries vastly different weight depending on whether you’re a man or a woman. Yes, we’re talking about your sexual history, the tally of people you’ve slept with. This number, often a badge of honor for men, can shame and define women in a harsh light.
The word “slut” immediately comes to mind. It’s a charged term, isn’t it? But what truly defines a “slut”? A quick online dictionary search will tell you a “slut” is “a person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.” Helpful, right? But where is that invisible line drawn? When does someone cross over into “promiscuous” territory? The same dictionary defines “promiscuous” as “having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.” We could chase our tails defining “casual,” “frequently,” and “indiscriminate” endlessly, trying to pinpoint the exact number of sexual partners that earns a woman the label “slut.” But that’s a rabbit hole, and frankly, there are more important points to make.
The definition’s very ambiguity is the point. “Slut” is intentionally vague, morphing to fit whatever narrative someone wants to push. It’s a weaponized word, loaded with judgment and designed to control female sexuality. It taps into the outdated and damaging idea that women must be chaste, uphold a certain “honor,” and be sexually reserved. In this warped view, any sexual experience outside of quiet, monogamous relationships chips away at a woman’s supposed virtue. Explore your sexuality with more than a select few? You’re suddenly dishonorable, morally loose – a slut.
The term “slut” is linguistic policing, a constant reminder that a woman’s sexuality isn’t truly hers to own in the eyes of many. Regardless of her motivations – genuine sexual exploration, human connection, or simply pleasure – if a woman’s “number” is perceived as too high, or if she dares to speak openly about sex, she’s not seen as liberated. Instead, she’s branded with derogatory terms: slut, whore, skank, and worse. These words are designed to shame, silence, and pressure women into sexual passivity. Society often squashes open conversations about female sexuality; it’s considered “uncomfortable,” a taboo topic for polite conversation.
Contrast this with the narrative around men and sex. Men are not just allowed, but almost encouraged, to have multiple sexual partners. The higher the number, the better, solidifying their “stud” status. A casual encounter for a man is often met with high-fives from his friends, congratulating him for “scoring” or “conquering.” He’s the “man,” the “player,” admired within his peer group. The only remotely negative term for a sexually active man, “man-whore,” is even derived from the very word used to shame women, “whore.” It lacks the same venom and societal weight.
This isn’t an endorsement for reckless sexual behavior, nor is it suggesting sex is trivial. The core message is about ownership and respect. Sexuality belongs to the individual, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It should be expressed and experienced as each person sees fit, free from societal judgment and double standards. A woman’s right to her sexuality is just as valid and fundamental as a man’s.
Women, we need to examine our own roles in perpetuating this harmful cycle. Every time we judge another woman for her clothing choices, her dating life, or attempt to silence her when she talks openly about sex, we are reinforcing the very system that oppresses us. A low-cut top doesn’t define her morality, and a busy social life is her prerogative. We should be supporting each other, not tearing each other down in a twisted competition to prove who is “less slutty.” It’s time to stop. Stop feeding into this damaging narrative. The path forward is self-love, mutual respect, and genuine empowerment. Let’s build each other up instead.
Ultimately, your “number,” your sexual history, and how you choose to express your sexuality are personal and private. It’s no one else’s concern. This number doesn’t dictate your worth, your character, or label you as “prude” or “loose.” It’s time to dismantle the double standard, to view male and female sexuality with equal respect, and to stop judging women by a metric that is rarely, if ever, applied fairly to men. Sexuality is a fundamental human aspect, not a male privilege. Let’s start treating it that way.
