Humility. It’s a word we hear often, especially in religious or spiritual contexts. But what does it truly mean to be humble? Many misunderstand humility, associating it with weakness, self-deprecation, or even a false sense of modesty. Philippians 2:3 in the Bible states, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility let each esteem others better than himself.” This verse, particularly the last phrase, often leads to confusion. Are we really supposed to think everyone else is better than us?
This interpretation can lead down a path of unhealthy self-comparison and distorted self-perception. For instance, should a talented artist believe their work is inferior to everyone else’s, even when they know it’s not? This flawed understanding presents two major problems:
Debunking Misconceptions of Humility
Firstly, it fosters intellectual dishonesty. Imagine someone genuinely skilled in a certain area trying to convince themselves they are not. Forcing oneself to believe something untrue is inherently dishonest. If we are to esteem others, it shouldn’t require us to deny our own realities or capabilities.
Secondly, it reduces humility to a “Jedi mind trick” – a manipulative internal game of self-deception. C.S. Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, brilliantly illustrates this point through the demon Screwtape’s advice to his apprentice Wormwood:
You must therefore conceal from the patient the true end of Humility. Let him think of it, not as self-forgetfulness, but as a certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of his own talents and character. Some talents, I gather, he really has. Fix in his mind the idea that humility consists in trying to believe those talents to be less valuable than he believes them to be. No doubt they are in fact less valuable than he believes, but that is not the point. The great thing is to make him value an opinion for some quality other than truth, thus introducing an element of dishonesty and make-believe into the heart of what otherwise threatens to become a virtue. By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools. And since what they are trying to believe may, in some cases, be manifest nonsense, they cannot succeed in believing it, and we have the chance of keeping their minds endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible.
Lewis astutely points out that this distorted view of humility becomes a self-absorbed exercise in futility, keeping us focused on ourselves rather than on others.
The True Meaning of Humility: Self-Forgetfulness
So, if humility isn’t about degrading ourselves or denying our worth, what is it? According to C.S. Lewis, and in alignment with a healthier understanding of biblical teaching, the essence of humility is “self-forgetfulness.” It’s not about thinking less of yourself; it’s about thinking of yourself less.
In his book Mere Christianity, Lewis further elaborates on the nature of a truly humble person:
To even get near [humility], even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert. Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.
A genuinely humble person is not preoccupied with their own image or status. They are free to focus on others, to listen intently, and to engage with the world around them with genuine interest and joy.
Biblical Basis for Humility: Valuing Others
Returning to Philippians 2:3, understanding humility as self-forgetfulness clarifies the instruction to “esteem others better than yourselves.” It doesn’t mean we must believe everyone is more talented or worthy than us. Instead, it means valuing others more than we value ourselves in our actions and considerations.
This interpretation is reinforced in the very next verse, Philippians 2:4: “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Humility, in this context, is about prioritizing the needs and interests of those around us, not just our own.
The ultimate example of this humble mindset is Jesus Christ himself. Immediately following these verses, Paul directs us to Christ’s example: “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5). He then describes how Jesus, despite being equal to God, “did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:6-8). Jesus, in his selfless service and sacrifice, embodies true humility.
Practical Ways to Practice Humility in Daily Life
How can we put this understanding of humility into practice? It’s about making conscious choices to prioritize others in our everyday interactions. Here are a few practical examples:
- Offer Help at Home: Instead of collapsing on the couch after work, proactively look for ways to assist around the house. Setting the table, doing dishes, or helping with chores demonstrates a willingness to serve.
- Engage in Activities Others Enjoy: When spending time with family or friends, be willing to participate in activities they love, even if they aren’t your personal favorites. A parent playing a child’s preferred game, even when repetitive, is an act of humble engagement.
- Be Punctual and Considerate: Being mindful of others’ time and expectations is a sign of respect. Communicating delays and keeping commitments, like being home from work when expected, shows consideration for loved ones.
- Listen Attentively and Avoid Interrupting: Giving others your full attention when they speak, and resisting the urge to interrupt, communicates that you value their thoughts and perspectives. Interrupting often signals that your own thoughts are more important.
- Consider the Impact of Your Choices: Before making decisions, especially those that affect others, consider their needs and perspectives. Consulting with your partner before committing to activities that impact the family budget or schedule is a humble act of shared decision-making.
Exercise: Putting Humility into Action in Your Relationships
To actively cultivate humility, consider this simple exercise focused on your family or close relationships:
- List the Individuals: Make a list of the people closest to you – family members, close friends, or colleagues.
- Identify Their Interests: Under each name, list several things that are important to them – their hobbies, passions, concerns, or needs. Think about what truly matters to each person (referencing Philippians 2:4 – “interests of others”).
- Brainstorm Acts of Service: For each interest, brainstorm a specific action you can take to serve that person by honoring their interest. For example, if your spouse values home safety, fixing a loose step, even if you don’t see it as a major issue, becomes an act of humble service.
- Take Action: Put your ideas into practice. Consciously choose to perform these acts of service, focusing on meeting the needs and honoring the interests of others.
Conclusion: Humility as Strength, Not Weakness
Understanding what humble means in its true sense is liberating. It’s not about diminishing yourself, but about elevating others. It’s not weakness, but a profound strength that frees us from self-obsession and empowers us to build stronger, more meaningful connections with those around us. Especially within a Christian context, humility, as exemplified by Christ, is a cornerstone of leadership and service. Embrace this mindset of self-forgetfulness, and you’ll discover the genuine power and joy of true humility. Be confident and strong, but always lead with a heart that puts others first.
