You might have heard whispers about it, seen it trending online, or perhaps your partner has even expressed curiosity – pegging is definitely having a moment. But what exactly is pegging? And if you’re new to the concept, it’s completely normal to have questions. Let’s dive into this increasingly popular sexual practice, with insights from sex educator and pegging enthusiast, Ruby Rare.
Decoding Pegging: Beyond Traditional Sex Roles
At its core, pegging is a sexual activity where one partner wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates the anus of their partner. While often depicted in heterosexual contexts with a woman penetrating a man, pegging transcends gender and sexual orientation. As Ruby Rare emphasizes, “all are welcome here!” It’s about exploring pleasure and intimacy outside of conventional sexual scripts.
Pegging directly challenges traditional, heteronormative ideas about sex, where men are often assumed to be the penetrators and women the penetrated. By flipping these roles, pegging opens up exciting new dynamics and power exchanges in the bedroom. This role reversal can be incredibly empowering and liberating for both partners.
Before we go further, it’s crucial to highlight the importance of communication and enthusiastic consent. Exploring any new sexual activity, especially one that might feel outside your comfort zone, requires open and honest conversation. Take time to understand your own feelings and desires before jumping in. It’s perfectly normal to feel a mix of curiosity and hesitation. The key is to ensure you’re proceeding because you genuinely want to, not just to please your partner.
If your boyfriend brought up pegging, it’s natural to wonder what it means for your current sex life. However, his interest in pegging likely signifies excitement and trust, not dissatisfaction. For many men, especially those raised in heteronormative environments, anal play can still carry a stigma. His willingness to discuss this desire openly with you speaks volumes about the comfort and security he feels in your relationship. He trusts you with his vulnerability and desires.
Instead of overanalyzing the “meaning” behind his interest, consider embracing the spirit of exploration. Sexuality is diverse and multifaceted. Pegging can simply be about trying something new, experiencing pleasure in different ways, and deepening intimacy with your partner. Don’t get lost in trying to decipher hidden meanings; focus on open communication and shared enjoyment.
Cartoon illustration defining pegging as a sexual act where a woman uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate her partner's anus, challenging traditional gender roles.
Ruby Rare points out that “Pegging subverts [some traditional ideas around sex], which can be hugely rewarding, allowing women to take ownership of their sexuality, but there can still be shame we have to work through before the fun begins.” Despite its growing popularity, pegging has historically been stigmatized. However, its roots run deep, with evidence suggesting that people across genders and orientations have enjoyed anal penetration for centuries.
The Pleasure Factor: Why Pegging is So Enjoyable
What’s the appeal of pegging? Ruby Rare succinctly answers: “The glorious prostate!” The prostate gland, present in men and individuals assigned male at birth, is a highly sensitive area. Stimulating the prostate, whether externally through the perineum or internally through the rectal wall, can lead to intense pleasure and orgasm. Ruby jokingly wishes she had a prostate herself, highlighting its potential for pleasure.
However, pegging isn’t solely about prostate stimulation for the receiving partner. The person doing the pegging also experiences unique pleasures. As Ruby explains, “If you’re the pegger, and you don’t have a penis, wearing one is SO MUCH FUN!” It offers a novel perspective on sex and allows for a different kind of sexual expression. Stepping into a traditionally “masculine” role can be incredibly empowering and exciting for women and individuals who don’t identify with masculinity.
Getting Started with Pegging: A How-To Guide
Ready to explore pegging? Here’s a beginner-friendly guide to get you started:
1. Gather Your Equipment:
- Strap-on Dildo: This is the centerpiece! Choose one that feels comfortable for you and your partner. Beginner-friendly options are often smaller and made of body-safe silicone. You’ll need a harness to securely hold the dildo in place.
- Lube: And lots of it! Anal sex requires ample lubrication to be comfortable and pleasurable. Opt for a water-based lube, and don’t be shy about applying generously and reapplying as needed.
- Condoms or Gloves (Optional but Recommended): For hygiene and ease of cleanup, using condoms on the dildo or gloves on your hands is advisable, especially when starting out.
- Wipes and Towel: Keep wipes and a towel handy for clean-up afterwards.
- Butt Plugs and Smaller Toys (Optional): If your partner is new to anal play, consider starting with fingers, butt plugs, or smaller anal toys to gradually prepare them for penetration with a dildo.
2. Consider Douching (Optional):
While not essential, anal douching can help cleanse the rectum before anal sex and reduce potential mess. However, it’s important to do it correctly and not over-douche, as it can disrupt natural bacteria. For a first-time experience, don’t feel pressured to douche. The risk of leakage is often less than people anticipate.
3. Communication is Key:
Talk openly with your partner about your boundaries, desires, and comfort levels. Discuss safe words or signals to use during the act if anyone feels uncomfortable or needs to pause. Check in with each other throughout the experience.
4. Experiment with Positions:
Ruby Rare recommends starting with the person being pegged on top. This position allows them to control the depth and pace of penetration, which can be more comfortable for beginners. Plus, as Ruby notes, “it’s really fucking hot watching someone ride you.” Other positions to try include:
- Cowgirl/Reverse Cowgirl Pegging: Similar to missionary, but with the pegger on top facing towards or away from the receiving partner.
- Spooning Pegging: Both partners lie on their sides, with the pegger behind the receiver.
- Standing Pegging: The receiver can bend over a surface while the pegger stands behind them.
5. Prioritize Aftercare:
After pegging, take time for aftercare. This term, borrowed from the BDSM community, refers to the care and attention given to a partner after an intense sexual experience. Ask your partner what they need – it could be cuddling, talking, or simply quiet time together. Aftercare helps ensure both partners feel safe, comfortable, and emotionally connected after this vulnerable experience.
6. Clean Your Toys:
Thoroughly clean all sex toys after use with soap and water. Proper hygiene is crucial, especially if you plan to use the toys with different partners or for other types of play.
Most importantly: Relax, communicate, and enjoy! Pegging is meant to be a fun and empowering experience. It’s an opportunity to explore new facets of your sexuality, deepen intimacy with your partner, and challenge conventional notions about sex and gender roles. By approaching it with open communication, a sense of adventure, and plenty of lube, you and your partner can discover a whole new world of pleasure and connection. Don’t forget the lube!
For further exploration of sex-positive education, check out Ruby Rare’s book, Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults.
