What Is Gaslighting? Recognizing Manipulation and Abuse Tactics

Gaslighting has emerged as a critical topic in discussions about mental health and interpersonal relationships, particularly among younger generations. Its portrayal in media and real-life accounts underscores the growing awareness of this subtle yet damaging form of emotional abuse. Merriam-Webster even declared gaslighting the Word of the Year in 2022, highlighting its significance in contemporary understanding of manipulation.

Increased awareness is beneficial, empowering individuals to identify and avoid unhealthy relationships. However, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what gaslighting truly entails before labeling behavior. This article will delve into the definition, origins, and examples of gaslighting, explore its impact on mental well-being, and equip you with the knowledge to recognize gaslighting in your own relationships.

Key Points to Understand About Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic and a form of emotional abuse where one person gains control by making their victim doubt their reality and perceptions.
Gaslighting behaviors include denying known truths, spreading misinformation, and shifting blame onto the victim.
The psychological effects of gaslighting can be profound, leading to feelings of helplessness, confusion, isolation, and diminished self-worth.
Seeking support from trusted individuals and mental health professionals is vital for victims of gaslighting to escape abusive situations and heal from the trauma.

Defining Gaslighting Abuse

At its core, gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse. The perpetrator systematically undermines their victim’s sense of reality, leading to self-doubt and confusion. Gaslighters aim to control and dominate by distorting facts and making their victims question their judgment, memory, and sanity.

The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 play Angel Street, famously adapted into the 1944 film Gaslight. In the narrative, a husband attempts to manipulate his wife into believing she is losing her mind as a means to distract her while he searches for valuable jewels hidden in their home. A key element of his manipulation involves dimming the gaslights in the house while denying to his wife that any change in light intensity has occurred, attributing it to her imagination. This constant denial of her perceptions causes her to doubt her sanity and rely increasingly on her husband’s distorted version of reality.

Gaslighting predominantly occurs within abusive relationships, often romantic partnerships, and is closely linked to other forms of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. While most recognized in intimate relationships, gaslighting can also manifest in families, friendships, and professional settings.

Gaslighting in the Workplace

It’s essential to recognize gaslighting tactics beyond romantic relationships, as it can occur in professional environments and other social contexts. Workplace gaslighting involves behaviors that erode an individual’s professional credibility and self-confidence. This manipulation can happen between colleagues, or more commonly, from supervisors to subordinates.

A gaslighter in the workplace might consistently question an employee’s competence, memory, or perception of events. This can be a tactic to avoid accountability for errors, take undue credit for successes, or maintain power over others.

“Whistle-blower gaslighting” is a particularly damaging form of workplace manipulation. When an employee reports unethical or illegal activities, such as harassment or a toxic work environment, they may be met with denial, minimization, and blame. The organization or individuals in power may attempt to make the whistleblower doubt their experience, portraying them as overly sensitive, misinterpreting events, or even fabricating claims. This form of gaslighting not only invalidates the whistleblower’s concerns but also serves to protect the perpetrators and silence dissent.

Gaslighting Based on Race and Gender

Gaslighting can also be directed at individuals based on their race or gender, especially in environments with power imbalances. Racial gaslighting involves denying or dismissing the lived experiences, particularly those related to racial discrimination and prejudice, of people of color. For example, in a study focusing on women of color in academic science, it was found that gaslighting was a common experience where their accounts of racial bias were minimized or dismissed by colleagues or superiors.

Gender-based gaslighting disproportionately affects women, especially when they report experiences of gender-based violence or discrimination. Research highlighted in the American Sociological Review underscores that gaslighting is facilitated by existing social, political, and economic inequalities. These power imbalances allow perpetrators to manipulate and control victims by invalidating their realities and experiences, particularly when those experiences challenge the status quo or dominant narratives. Harvard researcher Paige L. Sweet points out that the existence of gaslighting is intrinsically linked to societal inequities in power distribution.

Image of a person looking confused and holding their head with a question mark above their head.
Alt text: Illustration of a person confused about reality, representing gaslighting mental manipulation.

10 Common Examples of Gaslighting

If you suspect you might be experiencing gaslighting, consider whether you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationships—romantic, familial, or professional:

Blatant Lying and Denial: They lie or deny something even when presented with clear evidence and refuse to admit the falsehood.
Distorting Reality: They insist that events you remember vividly never occurred, or that your recollection is inaccurate.
Spreading Rumors and Gossip: They spread negative rumors about you or falsely claim others are gossiping about you to isolate you and damage your reputation.
Shifting the Conversation: When confronted, they change the subject, deflect, or refuse to engage with the issue at hand, avoiding accountability.
Dismissing Your Feelings: They tell you that you are “overreacting” or “too sensitive” when you express hurt or concern about their actions.
Blame-Shifting: They deflect responsibility by claiming their behavior is a reaction to your actions, implying “you made me do it,” thus making you feel responsible for their abuse.
Verbal Affection Contradicting Actions: They use loving words to smooth over conflicts, but their actions remain unchanged and abusive, creating confusion and hope for change that never materializes.
Minimizing Abusive Behavior: They twist stories to downplay the severity of their actions, making you doubt the reality of the abuse.
Trivializing Hurtful Actions: They dismiss their hurtful words or actions as “just a joke” or suggest you’re “too sensitive” to diminish the impact of their behavior.
Isolating You: They try to cut you off from supportive friends and family who might recognize the gaslighting and offer you perspective and support.

Experiencing any of these signs is a red flag. They indicate an unhealthy relationship where manipulative behavior is likely causing significant emotional and psychological harm.

Important Statistic:

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 74% of women who have experienced domestic violence also reported experiencing gaslighting from their partners or ex-partners, highlighting the co-occurrence of these forms of abuse.

5 Types of Gaslighting Tactics

Experts categorize gaslighting into five primary types based on the manipulative techniques employed.

1. Outright Lying

This involves deliberate falsehoods, even when contradictory evidence is available. For instance, a partner might deny calling an ex despite phone records showing otherwise. In the workplace, a colleague might insist they sent crucial information that was never received and cannot produce proof of sending.

2. Coercion and Control

Coercive gaslighting uses threats, punishments, or force to manipulate. Examples include giving a partner the silent treatment for spending time with friends or making them feel guilty for not complying with the gaslighter’s demands. It’s about creating a dynamic of fear and obligation.

3. Scapegoating

This tactic involves shifting blame onto the victim or someone else to avoid responsibility. In a professional context, a manager might blame a team member for project failure that was ultimately due to managerial oversight. In personal relationships, a gaslighter might justify infidelity by blaming their partner for being “unattentive.”

4. Reality Questioning (Reality Manipulation)

This is particularly damaging as it directly attacks the victim’s perception of reality. The gaslighter insists the victim is misremembering events or is “crazy” for recalling things differently—even events that demonstrably happened or did not happen as the gaslighter claims. This can be seen when a parent denies a child’s memory of a traumatic event, claiming it was “not that bad” or “didn’t happen that way.”

5. Trivializing

Trivializing gaslighting minimizes the victim’s feelings, achievements, or experiences. The gaslighter acts as the arbiter of importance, diminishing the victim’s self-worth. In relationships, this might manifest as dismissing a partner’s emotions as “oversensitive” or belittling their passions outside the relationship, such as hobbies or friendships.

The Profound Impact of Gaslighting on Mental Health

Persistent gaslighting can have severe and long-lasting consequences on a person’s mental health and overall well-being. Being constantly told you are wrong, irrational, or “crazy” erodes your self-confidence and trust in your own perceptions. Victims often experience:

Feelings of Isolation and Powerlessness: Gaslighting can make individuals feel alone and trapped, dependent on their abuser for a sense of reality.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Doubt: Constant questioning of their judgment leads to profound self-doubt and a diminished sense of self-worth.
Disorientation and Confusion: Victims struggle to discern reality, leading to confusion and difficulty making decisions.
Functional Impairment: The psychological strain can affect daily functioning at work, school, and in social settings.

Consequently, individuals subjected to gaslighting are at a heightened risk for developing anxiety disorders, depression, and even suicidal ideation. Those with pre-existing mental health vulnerabilities may find gaslighting exacerbates their conditions, creating a vicious cycle of abuse and mental health decline. They may internalize the abuser’s distortions, genuinely believing they are mentally unstable.

The effects of gaslighting can persist even after leaving the abusive relationship. Survivors often grapple with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), making it challenging to trust others and, crucially, to trust themselves again. This can lead to involvement in codependent relationships and difficulty forming authentic, healthy connections in the future. The lack of apology or acknowledgment from gaslighters further complicates the healing process, leaving victims with unresolved trauma.

Robin Stern, PhD, author of The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life, emphasizes the insidious nature of gaslighting, stating that it can create a belief in victims that “there is something wrong with you because one of the most important people in your life is telling you this.”

Recognizing the Mental Health Toll of Gaslighting

The most damaging symptoms of gaslighting are the subtle shifts in a victim’s internal landscape—the erosion of self-worth and self-trust. Victims become trapped in a cycle of questioning their own sanity and reality. Here are signs that gaslighting is impacting your mental health:

Difficulty making simple decisions.
Frequently making excuses for your partner’s behavior to others.
Constant self-doubt and second-guessing.
Blaming yourself for the abuser’s actions and treatment.
Minimizing the severity of the abusive behavior to yourself.
Feeling the need to “walk on eggshells” around the abuser.
Believing you are “too sensitive” or “crazy.”
Questioning your own feelings, judgments, and observations.
Feeling isolated, lonely, and trapped.
Doubting your memory and sanity.
Staying silent to avoid conflict or triggering the abuser.
Persistent feelings of being on edge and threatened.
Starting to believe the gaslighter’s negative pronouncements about you.
Negative self-talk and disappointment in yourself.
Excessive apologizing for your actions.

Understanding Why People Gaslight

Gaslighting is often rooted in the perpetrator’s own psychological issues. Many gaslighters have mental health conditions or have experienced childhood trauma. Manipulative behaviors may have developed as a coping mechanism or a way to gain attention or control in early life.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and other personality disorders are frequently associated with gaslighting. Key traits of NPD, such as a need for admiration, a sense of superiority, and a lack of empathy, can drive gaslighting behaviors as a means to maintain control and self-image.

Key Research Finding:

A study involving 250 young adults revealed that individuals who engage in gaslighting behaviors often exhibit high levels of emotional detachment, impulsivity, risk-taking tendencies, and antisocial behaviors, suggesting a broader pattern of personality traits linked to manipulation and abuse.

5 Strategies to Counter Gaslighting Abuse

Once you recognize gaslighting, taking steps to protect yourself is crucial. Ideally, removing yourself from the abusive relationship is paramount. Here are strategies to counteract gaslighting:

1. Seek External Validation

Counteract isolation by confiding in trusted friends, family, or colleagues. Sharing your experiences allows them to validate your reality and offer support, reinforcing that your perceptions are accurate.

2. Focus on Actions Over Words

Pay attention to behavior patterns rather than just the gaslighter’s words. Manipulators often use words to placate and confuse, but consistent actions reveal their true intentions.

3. Remember It’s Not Your Responsibility

Gaslighting is a choice made by the abuser, not a consequence of your actions. It is essential to recognize that you are not to blame for being manipulated or abused.

4. Disengage from Arguments

Logic and reason are ineffective against gaslighting. If a conversation devolves into manipulation and attacks on your sanity, disengage. Step away from the discussion and, if possible, the relationship.

5. Rebuild Self-Trust

After escaping gaslighting, focus on rebuilding your self-trust. It takes time to recover your confidence in your perceptions and instincts. Remind yourself that the gaslighter’s distorted view of you is not the truth.

Support for Healing from Gaslighting

Recovering from gaslighting requires ongoing support to address the psychological damage. Support groups with others who have experienced similar abuse can reduce feelings of isolation and self-blame. Therapy is invaluable in healing from self-doubt, low self-esteem, trust issues, depression, and PTSD resulting from gaslighting.

Mental health professionals who understand trauma and abuse can provide tailored support. Newport Institute offers programs focused on helping young adults rebuild healthy relationships and self-worth after experiencing trauma. Their approach emphasizes creating supportive communities and fostering self-connection.

Contact Newport Institute today to explore their outpatient and residential treatment locations nationwide and learn more about their specialized programs for young adults.

Frequently Asked Questions About Gaslighting

What is a typical example of gaslighting?
- A common example is when someone dismisses your feelings by saying, “You’re too sensitive” or trivializes hurtful behavior by claiming, “It was just a joke.”
What are the root causes of gaslighting behavior?
- Gaslighting often stems from childhood trauma, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, or other psychological conditions that foster a need for control and manipulation.
How would you define gaslighting behavior?
- Gaslighting behavior is a form of psychological abuse where a person manipulates their victim into doubting their sanity and perception of reality.
What are the five main types of gaslighting?
- The five types are: outright lying, coercion, scapegoating, reality questioning, and trivializing.
Explain scapegoat gaslighting.
- Scapegoat gaslighting is when the perpetrator shifts blame onto someone else to avoid accountability or to escape consequences that could damage their reputation or power.

Sources:

J Sexual Aggression. 2021 Jan; 27(2): 1850893.

J Women Minorities Sci Eng. 2021; 27(2): 1–23.

Am Sociolog Rev. 2019 Sept; 84(5): 851–875.

J Perinatal Neonatal Nursing. 2018 Jan; 32(1): 59–65.

Mental Health / May 4, 2024