“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” – Roy Croft
LOVE. A simple four-letter word, yet it carries immense weight, acting as both a noun and a verb. It’s described as a feeling, a profound thought, and in dictionaries, love is often defined as a deep affection for someone or something. Pop culture, with its romantic movies and love songs, often paints an exaggerated picture of love, leading us to believe in a hyperbolized version of what it truly is. At our core, as human beings, we deeply desire love. While some openly express this yearning to love and be loved, others might appear more reserved. As we embark on this exploration, let’s delve into a fundamental question: What does “love” truly mean?
Many of us grow up with the notion that love should be effortless. It’s often portrayed as something natural, unforced, and inherently empowering, bringing happiness and a sense of completeness. Life experiences, however, often reshape these initial beliefs. Reflecting on personal journeys, one might realize that the path of love is not always smooth. The true essence of loving someone deeply, and equally importantly, the journey of self-love, reveals complexities beyond the fairytale ideals. The once firmly held beliefs about love often diverge significantly from the realities of lived experiences.
The distinction between love and lust, or missing someone and truly loving them, can become blurred. There are times in life when feeling love seems distant, a sentiment guarded by self-protective walls. Vulnerability, a cornerstone of love, can feel terrifying. Life, however, has its own way of unfolding. Unexpectedly, we might find ourselves experiencing emotions we once consciously avoided. In these moments, we might believe we’re rediscovering the true meaning of love.
Life’s journey is rarely linear. When we attempt to control every aspect of our lives, unforeseen events often disrupt our plans. Life throws curveballs, and we must learn to adapt, either catching them or being struck by their impact. Just when we believe we have everything figured out, another challenge arises, reminding us of the continuous learning process that life entails.
Growing up in a generation saturated with unrealistic portrayals of love in media shapes our expectations. The desire to feel valued and seen can mistakenly be interpreted as “falling in love” easily. For a long time, a skewed definition of love can prevail, where external affection is sought to fill internal voids. Ironically, no amount of love from another can truly address these deeply personal voids.
When considering love, the fundamental desire is to be loved authentically, embracing both the positive and negative aspects of oneself, and everything in between. This “me” refers to the individual actively striving for self-improvement and personal growth. To be loved in this context also implies a desire for accountability, for someone to gently point out areas needing work, while simultaneously offering grace and understanding for human imperfections. Mistakes are inevitable, overthinking happens, and irritability over trivial matters can arise. While self-awareness helps in recognizing these tendencies, there are times when a partner’s perspective is invaluable for identifying blind spots.
The love we seek should be challenging, fostering mutual support and growth. Relationships are not always balanced, and ideal love involves open vulnerability in thoughts and feelings. It’s about genuinely wanting the best for each other. Recognizing personal selfishness, wanting a partner who can provide gentle correction and guide back to self-awareness is crucial. Effective communication becomes paramount. While expressing oneself can be challenging, continuous effort in accepting constructive criticism is vital for healthy relationships. Acknowledging insecurities before they are pointed out by others significantly aids in accepting feedback within any relationship.
Love should feel natural, but this doesn’t equate to being easy. Love, in its various forms, can be challenging. Every relationship, whether with family, friends, or partners, presents unique struggles. No external resource can fully prepare you for the personal and interpersonal challenges you’ll face. Love encompasses family, friends, partners, pets, and importantly, oneself. Self-love is a crucial aspect of a fulfilling life.
There are moments when the desire for an “easy” love arises – one that allows stagnation, undisturbed personal growth, and unwavering understanding and validation. The appeal of having things go one’s way without needing to defend or justify feelings can be strong. However, reflecting on such desires, one might realize the potential for dissatisfaction in such a simplistic existence. Past experiences of such a life might reveal a lack of fulfillment, leading to a recognition of the need for growth and change, even if it’s initially daunting.
Perhaps accepting the need for occasional “push” is necessary for growth. Sometimes, being called out on nonsensical behavior and held accountable is beneficial. While self-motivation is important, there are times when fear-driven stagnation takes over. Fear of the unknown, fear of comfort leading to loss, and fear of vulnerability-induced pain are common barriers. Vulnerability remains one of the most challenging aspects to navigate, as avoiding potential pain is a natural human instinct.
The ideal love should feel like home – secure, safe, and a space for authentic self-expression. It’s about being genuinely valued, working through challenges together, and growing stronger as a unit. The desire for a best friend, a reliable confidant, someone to lean on during emotional exhaustion is central. It’s about being understood in sensitivity, having deep emotions acknowledged, and being seen through loving eyes, mirroring self-perception. Ultimately, we accept the love we believe we deserve. Deserving a partner who seeks mutual growth, shared laughter, comfortable companionship, and effortless love is a valid aspiration.
Distinguishing between feeling “loved” and feeling “validated” is crucial. Validation of fears, feelings, and thoughts is important, needing reassurance of not being alone. However, seeking validation in a partner can be mistakenly equated with love. Rejection in this context can be deeply hurtful, leading to feelings of needing to defend oneself or prove one’s worth. Love should not require proving one’s worth to be received. Breaking this cycle is essential to avoid questioning self-worth and deservingness. Self-worth should be determined internally, not externally.
Ultimately, love is unconditional. Whether directed towards oneself, a partner, family, friends, or pets, it’s about acceptance for who they are, or what they are. It’s about seeing them as “work in progress,” understanding their struggles, genuinely desiring their presence in your life, and wanting their best. Sometimes, love even means letting go for their happiness. Love’s meaning is deeply personal and multifaceted. May everyone find the love they are personally searching for in their lives.
