(This is part 2 of a two-part series. Part 1 discussed submission for wives to their husbands.)
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. – Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)
This passage from Ephesians often sparks debate and misinterpretation. It’s easy to see how these verses could be misconstrued to imply that a wife should silence her own thoughts and desires, or that husbands are given license to be self-centered and controlling. Such interpretations, however, clash with the broader message of Scripture, which deeply values and respects women. They also contradict the very nature of God, who embodies love and protection for all.
So, What Does Submissive Mean in this context? How can a wife embrace submission in a way that honors both her role as a wife and her faith as a Christian? Let’s explore some key principles to understand biblical submission in marriage.
1. Independent Thinking is Encouraged
God endowed women with intellect, wisdom, and unique talents. We are all granted free will, empowered to think, reason, and form our own beliefs. These intellectual gifts are meant to be used for God’s glory and purpose.
A husband’s leadership role is not about dictating thoughts or actions. It’s about taking spiritual initiative and responsibility within the marital relationship. It does not grant him permission to control or micromanage his wife, demanding permission for every decision. Controlling or abusive behavior has no place in a Christian marriage.
Biblical submission, therefore, involves respecting and valuing your husband’s perspective and leadership. It means thoughtfully sharing your own opinions and insights. It means avoiding undermining or belittling him, especially in public. It’s about trusting his judgment as the leader of the family while feeling confident in contributing your own valuable viewpoint.
2. God’s Authority is Supreme
In a healthy Christian marriage, honoring your husband’s wishes should generally align with God’s will. After all, the principle of respecting and following your husband’s lead stems from God’s commandment. However, in rare instances, a husband’s desires might conflict with what God calls you to do. In such situations, your allegiance to God must take precedence.
If a husband’s requests contradict God’s direct commands or moral principles, prioritizing God’s will is essential. It’s important to communicate clearly, expressing your desire to honor your husband’s leadership but explaining your ultimate responsibility to God’s guidance for your life. Examples of such conflicts might arise in situations involving abuse, addiction, or infidelity, where a spouse might be asked to condone or participate in harmful behaviors.
However, it’s crucial to exercise discernment and seek godly counsel before concluding that your husband’s wishes oppose God’s will simply because of personal preference. Ensure you have sought wise and spiritual advice before going against your spouse’s wishes. Such disagreements should be approached with prayer, careful consideration, and ideally, guidance from trusted Christian mentors or counselors. Disagreeing with your spouse should be a last resort, given the potential for damaging consequences if handled without wisdom and prayerful consideration.
This delicate balance is often seen when a Christian wife is married to a non-Christian husband, and differing views on faith practices, such as church attendance, arise. These situations necessitate prayer, wise counsel, and careful navigation to honor both marital unity and individual faith commitments.
3. A Wife’s Voice for Godly Influence
While wives are not called to change their husbands, they are uniquely positioned to speak truth and love into their lives. As a wife, you have a distinct calling from God to offer loving guidance and perspective, aiming for positive change and God’s glory within your marriage. Wives often possess a deep understanding of their husbands – their strengths, weaknesses, and hidden struggles.
There are times for quiet prayer and allowing God to speak directly to your husband. Yet, there are also moments when a wife is called to be God’s voice, lovingly pointing out areas for growth and acknowledging her husband’s God-given gifts. Often, a husband will most readily receive and trust feedback from his wife. This loving and truthful communication can empower your husband to grow into the man of God he is meant to be.
The key is to communicate “truth in love.” Often, truth is delivered with frustration, or in other instances, important issues are avoided altogether. Cultivate the ability to speak in a way that encourages your husband to listen and that you feel good about – a way that is both honest and loving.
4. Freedom from Fear and Intimidation
The Bible, in 1 Peter 3:6, encourages wives to “not fear anything that is frightening.” This verse calls women to stand firm against intimidation and anxiety. Instead of dwelling on daily worries and trials, Christian women are encouraged to find comfort and strength in their faith in God. Trust in God acts as a shield against fear. Furthermore, the focus shifts from external appearances to inner beauty and spiritual depth.
This doesn’t mean ignoring real dangers, but rather, facing life’s challenges with courage and faith, knowing God’s presence and protection. It’s about cultivating inner strength rooted in spiritual confidence, rather than being controlled by fear or intimidation.
5. Spiritual Independence and Shared Growth
In an ideal Christian marriage, husbands and wives mutually strengthen each other’s faith. However, it’s unhealthy for a wife to solely depend on her husband for her spiritual well-being. There’s a difference between supporting someone’s faith journey and being solely responsible for it.
In a healthy spiritual partnership, both individuals actively nurture their personal relationship with God. Each partner is responsible for their own spiritual growth while simultaneously encouraging and supporting their spouse in their walk with Christ. This mutual spiritual accountability and encouragement fosters a stronger, more vibrant marriage.
6. Healthy Submission: A Foundation for Thriving Partnership
Scripture clearly outlines distinct yet complementary roles for men and women within marriage. A husband is called to embrace his role as a responsible, respectful leader, while a wife is called to honor and support his leadership in a loving manner.
This doesn’t imply that a husband has absolute control within the family. Both partners are fallible and in need of each other’s wisdom and guidance. When a husband is contemplating a poor decision, a wife’s gentle and wise counsel is invaluable. Healthy submission creates space for mutual respect, shared decision-making, and a thriving partnership where both spouses contribute to the well-being of the marriage and family.
Conclusion: Submission as Respect and Honor
God’s Word serves as a blueprint for life, guiding us towards a path of health and joy, especially in our relationships. Within marriage, understanding what submissive means in practice – as respecting and honoring your husband’s leadership – can be a source of joy and fruitfulness. Biblical submission, when understood correctly, is not about control or dominance, but about creating a harmonious partnership built on love, respect, and mutual growth in Christ.
About the author: Based on insights from Lia Huynh, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Couples Therapy and Christian Counseling.
If you found this article helpful, feel free to share it with someone who might benefit. To explore strengthening your marriage further, consider exploring resources on Christian couples counseling.
