What Is a Masochist? Understanding Masochism and Its Types

While the terms sadism and masochism are often mentioned together, they represent distinct experiences. A masochist is an individual who derives pleasure from experiencing pain, while a sadist is someone who finds pleasure in inflicting pain on others.

Masochism involves gaining pleasure from various forms of discomfort or pain. This can manifest as sexual pleasure from pain or humiliation, often within the context of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) practices. However, masochistic tendencies can also extend beyond the sexual realm, encompassing situations where individuals seek out or enjoy activities that induce distress, discomfort, or pain in non-sexual contexts.

In the realm of BDSM, a sexual masochist experiences arousal and gratification in response to pain, denial, or humiliation. Conversely, a sexual sadist gains pleasure from inflicting these experiences. It’s crucial to understand that within BDSM, these dynamics are consensual and explored within agreed-upon boundaries.

However, masochism can also manifest in broader, sometimes less healthy behavioral patterns. In these instances, a person with masochistic traits might habitually engage in actions or tolerate treatment from others that are hurtful, degrading, or physically or emotionally painful. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and other distressing emotions. It’s important to differentiate this from consensual BDSM practices, as non-consensual infliction of pain, which is sadism outside of a consensual framework, is problematic and can escalate into sexual aggression or violence.

Masochist vs. Sadist: Key Differences

Although ‘sadist’ and ‘masochist’ are frequently paired, their meanings are opposite.

Sadist: A sadist is defined as someone who experiences pleasure, including sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on another person. In BDSM, this is practiced with mutual consent and shared interest. However, the term can also describe individuals who enjoy being cruel and causing harm in non-consensual settings.
Masochist: Conversely, a masochist is someone who finds pleasure in experiencing denial, degradation, or physical pain. This pleasure can be sexual or non-sexual in nature.

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Image alt text: A person is bound with ropes in a consensual BDSM scene, illustrating an aspect of masochistic practices.

Exploring the Types of Masochism

While sexual masochism is often the first association with the term, it’s essential to recognize that non-sexual forms of masochism also exist.

Sigmund Freud, a pioneering psychoanalyst, categorized masochism into three primary types:

Erotic (sexual) Masochism
Feminine (psychological) Masochism
Moral Masochism

In contemporary terms, Freud’s “erotic masochism” is now commonly referred to as sexual masochism, and “feminine masochism” is understood as psychological masochism. Further research has also introduced a fourth type: adaptive masochism.

Sexual Masochism: Also known as erotic masochism, this type involves deriving sexual pleasure from experiencing pain. This can encompass a wide range of activities and intensities, always within consensual boundaries.
Psychological Masochism: This non-sexual form of masochism involves finding enjoyment in psychological pain. This pain can be self-inflicted, such as through negative self-talk, or inflicted by others, such as in emotionally abusive relationships.
Moral Masochism: This type of masochism is characterized by seeking suffering to alleviate feelings of guilt. It can manifest as self-punishment and may be linked to a guilt complex. However, it can also paradoxically involve self-sacrificing, prosocial, or altruistic acts aimed at benefiting others, potentially as a form of atonement or self-denial.
Adaptive Masochism: This type involves deriving pleasure from temporary periods of pain or discomfort that ultimately lead to delayed gratification. A common example is the enjoyment of anticipation, like saving a favorite treat to savor later, relishing the minor “agony” of waiting.

A 2018 systematic review highlighted that masochism related to gratification inhibition, or adaptive masochism, was considered the healthiest form. The study also indicated that conflict surrounding masochism, such as feelings of guilt, shame, or sadness about experiencing pleasure from pain, was the least healthy and most distressing. These conflicts were associated with personality disorder characteristics and depression.

Self-Defeating Personality Disorder and Masochism

In the 1980s, self-defeating personality disorder, a condition characterized by masochistic tendencies, was considered for inclusion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). While sexual masochism disorder is recognized as a mental disorder under specific conditions, emotional masochism as a personality disorder was ultimately not added to the DSM. This highlights the distinction between sexual masochism disorder as a paraphilia and masochistic traits that may appear in other contexts.

Exploring Types of Sadism

Experts propose several subtypes of sadism, offering a more nuanced understanding of this related concept:

Spineless Sadism: Individuals with this type often lack self-esteem and use the exploitation of weaker individuals to inflate their sense of superiority.
Tyrannical Sadism: This type is characterized by the enjoyment of using power to harm others, often in positions of authority or control.
Enforcing Sadism: People exhibiting this type of sadism inflict harm on others out of a belief in their own moral righteousness, deriving pleasure from punishing those they deem deserving.
Explosive Sadism: This subtype is marked by high emotional reactivity, leading to sudden outbursts of anger and aggression, often resulting in harm to others.

Research has indicated links between sadism and Dark Triad traits, a cluster of personality traits that includes narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

Identifying Masochistic Tendencies

The most direct way to know if someone is a masochist is if they explicitly identify as such. In a sexual partnership, certain cues might be present, but ultimately, self-disclosure is key.

When considering broader masochistic behaviors, there are potential indicators to recognize in oneself or others:

Seeking Self-Sacrificing Situations: Masochistic individuals may consistently place themselves in situations where they prioritize others’ needs above their own, often to the point of personal suffering or detriment.
Reluctance to Seek Help: When faced with painful or challenging situations, a masochist might choose to endure the pain rather than ask for assistance or relief, even when help is available.
Relationships with Domineering Individuals: Masochists may be drawn into relationships with partners who are dominant, narcissistic, or self-absorbed. These relationships can involve humiliation, manipulation, neglect, or shaming, with or without explicit consent.
Lack of Assertiveness: Some masochists exhibit extreme accommodation and submissiveness, rarely standing up for themselves or pushing back when taken advantage of. Conversely, some masochists may express assertiveness within consensual BDSM contexts to ensure their needs and desires are met in a mutually enjoyable way.
Perfectionism: Perfectionistic individuals often set unrealistically high standards for themselves and others. When they inevitably fail to meet these self-imposed expectations, they may derive a form of masochistic pleasure from self-punishment for perceived failures.
Neglect of Self-Care and Small Pleasures: Self-denial can be a significant sign of masochism. A masochist might consistently neglect their own needs to the point of discomfort or pain, finding pleasure in denying themselves even simple joys and comforts.
Negative Self-Talk: Persistent self-criticism and negative self-talk can indicate masochistic tendencies. A masochist may not actively challenge or refute this harmful internal dialogue, accepting it as deserved.
Self-Sabotage: Masochists often engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, undermining their own opportunities for success. While sometimes linked to a fear of success, in masochism, this self-defeat can be a source of perverse pleasure. When things are progressing too well, a masochistic person might find ways to sabotage themselves, creating disappointment or misery.

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Image alt text: A person displaying signs of distress, potentially reflecting the emotional pain associated with masochistic patterns.

The Roots of Masochism: Potential Causes

The precise causes of masochism are complex and not fully understood. Different types of masochism likely have varying origins, and further research is needed in this area.

One prominent theory suggests that masochistic tendencies can stem from childhood experiences. The development of a masochistic or “self-defeating personality” might be rooted in early power struggles between a child and parents who are determined to maintain absolute control.

Parents who demand unquestioning obedience and compliance may not allow a child to develop their own sense of self, needs, opinions, feelings, and desires. In such environments, love and acceptance become conditional, and in extreme cases, controlling parents might resort to chastisement, abuse, and humiliation, using threats of abandonment or severe punishment to enforce compliance.

Growing up in such an environment, children may internalize their hurt and resentment, harboring a desire to rebel against their parents but lacking the power to do so effectively. This repressed desire for pain, punishment, or revenge can be redirected inward, leading the child to punish themselves as a form of coping. The controlling and critical behaviors of a parent can become an internalized “inner critic,” a bullying voice that reinforces the child’s belief that they deserve the negative treatment they receive.

As adults, these patterns can persist in self-defeating ways. Alternatively, these impulses might be sexualized and expressed within the context of consensual, communicative, and mutually respectful BDSM relationships.

Nonsexual vs. Sexual Masochism: Overlap and Distinction

While sadism and masochism are distinct concepts, research indicates a potential overlap. Individuals who enjoy self-inflicted pain or being hurt are also more likely to derive pleasure from causing pain or discomfort to others.

A 2020 study in the Journal of Personality found a correlation between non-sexual masochism and antisocial personality traits.

In this study, individuals with masochistic tendencies showed enjoyment in activities like eating spicy food, receiving painful massages, and listening to offensive jokes. These individuals also exhibited higher levels of antisocial traits, including what the researchers termed “everyday sadism,” subclinical psychopathy, and lower levels of honesty and humility.

Conversely, research on sexual masochism and BDSM practices challenges historical assumptions linking them to childhood trauma or unhealthy sexual fixations.

A 2020 study refuted this connection, suggesting that interest in sexual masochism represents a broadening of sexual interests rather than a pathological fixation.

A study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that participants reported an intrinsic interest in masochism and submission that emerged early in life.

This study also identified several factors associated with interest in masochism:

Power Exchange: Participants expressed enjoyment in relinquishing power and embracing vulnerability.
Pain: Participants described “good” pain as pleasurable and arousing in specific contexts.
Altered Consciousness: Some participants reported that masochism facilitated an altered state of consciousness, a meditative and relaxed state often referred to as “sub space.”

Pain researchers are investigating how masochistic individuals process and experience pain, hoping these findings can contribute to pain assessment and treatment strategies. Research suggests that motivation, context, and emotional state significantly influence how masochists perceive and process painful stimuli.

Healthy Coping Strategies for Masochistic Traits

Masochism isn’t inherently negative. A healthy sex life can encompass elements of both masochism and sadism within consensual boundaries. Enjoying certain types of pain in specific contexts is not uncommon (e.g., enjoying sad movies), and can even be healthy (e.g., incorporating sexual masochism into a consensual and sex-positive relationship).

However, if masochistic or sadistic tendencies cause distress, harm, or lead to risky behaviors, seeking help and developing effective coping mechanisms is crucial.

Seeking Professional Support

If masochistic tendencies are causing problems in your life, talking to a mental health professional can be beneficial. A therapist can help you explore the underlying reasons for seeking pleasure through pain.

Therapeutic approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), and psychodynamic therapy can be helpful. For individuals exploring sexual masochism or sadism, seeking a kink-friendly therapist can provide specialized support and understanding.

Relaxation and Emotional Regulation Techniques

Addressing underlying anxiety that might fuel masochistic urges is important. Relaxation techniques for managing stress and anxiety can include:

Deep breathing exercises
Meditation and mindfulness practices
Progressive muscle relaxation
Yoga and Tai Chi

Managing Negative Emotions

Masochistic tendencies may become more prominent when struggling with negative emotions, such as low self-esteem or feelings of helplessness.

Developing skills in distress tolerance and practicing emotional acceptance of negative emotions can be beneficial.

Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Turning to masochistic behaviors can be a maladaptive coping mechanism when healthy alternatives are lacking. Learning and practicing healthy coping skills can provide more productive and healthier options.

Positive coping skills can include:

Building a strong social support network
Journaling and expressive writing
Engaging in distracting activities
Regular exercise
Meditation and mindfulness
Listening to music
Cognitive reframing to challenge negative thought patterns

Key Takeaways

While often linked, masochism and sadism are distinct. A masochist enjoys receiving pain, while a sadist enjoys inflicting it. This dynamic can occur in sexual contexts, but also in broader experiences of pain, humiliation, or deprivation.

Research suggests that both masochism and sadism can be part of a healthy sexual life within consenting partnerships. However, these interests can become problematic if they cause distress or functional impairment. If you are concerned that masochistic or sadistic tendencies are negatively impacting your life, seeking support from a mental health professional is recommended to explore coping strategies and treatment options.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is a masochist someone who likes pain?
Yes, masochism is a psychological tendency to find satisfaction and enjoyment in pain. This can lead individuals to actively or passively seek situations involving pain. However, it’s important to note that masochists don’t necessarily enjoy all types of pain in all contexts. Consent, context, and motivation are crucial factors in how and when people experience enjoyment from physical, sexual, or emotional pain. For those who engage in sexual masochism, it can be a healthy and fulfilling aspect of their sex life when practiced safely and consensually. However, when masochistic tendencies lead to emotionally, physically, or sexually risky situations, they can become destructive or even dangerous.
Is masochism a mental disorder?
In certain cases, sexual masochism can meet the criteria for a paraphilic disorder if it causes significant distress or functional impairment. Sexual masochism disorder is a paraphilic disorder characterized by urges, fantasies, or behaviors related to being abused, beaten, bound, humiliated, or otherwise harmed for sexual gratification. These urges or behaviors must cause distress and potentially harm to oneself or others to be classified as a disorder. However, it’s crucial to recognize that BDSM fantasies are common, and kink practices can be a healthy and normal form of sexual expression. Research suggests that up to 70% of people experience BDSM fantasies, and 20% participate in BDSM activities. Sexual masochism is only considered a disorder when it causes distress or harm; otherwise, it is considered a type of sexual interest.
Is being a sadist a mental disorder?
Similar to masochism, sexual sadism can also sometimes meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental health condition. Sexual sadism disorder is a paraphilic condition where inflicting pain or humiliation for sexual purposes causes distress, impairment, or is forced upon a nonconsenting person. The condition can also involve debilitating sexually sadistic fantasies that have not been acted upon but cause significant distress.

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