What Is A Shiva? At WHAT.EDU.VN, we aim to provide clear and concise answers to your questions, offering insights into various topics. Today, we explore the profound Jewish mourning tradition of Shiva, a seven-day period of intense grief and remembrance. Discover the origin, customs, and significance of this ritual, and understand how it helps mourners navigate loss and return to life with support and community. Explore Jewish customs, bereavement practices, and mourning traditions.
1. Shiva Defined: The Seven-Day Mourning Period
Shiva, a Hebrew word translating to “seven,” designates a pivotal seven-day mourning period in Judaism. This time is specifically observed by the immediate family of the deceased, providing a structured framework to navigate the initial, intense stages of grief. It is a time for reflection, remembrance, and receiving comfort from the community. Shiva offers a crucial transition, allowing mourners to gradually reintegrate into daily life while honoring the memory of their loved one.
2. The Historical Origins of Shiva
The roots of Shiva are deeply embedded in Jewish history, with some interpretations tracing its origins back to the time before the Great Flood, as recounted in the Book of Genesis.
Sanhedrin 108b in the Talmud attributes the practice to a period before the Flood, referencing Genesis 7:10: “And it came to pass, after the seven days, that the waters of the Flood were upon the earth.”
The Rabbis interpreted these seven days as a period of mourning for Methuselah, the longest-living human in the Bible.
Genesis 50:10 offers a more explicit reference: “And he [Joseph] mourned for his father [Jacob] for seven days.” These passages suggest that the practice of Shiva has ancient origins, evolving over centuries to become a central part of Jewish mourning rituals.
3. Commencement and Conclusion of Shiva
Shiva commences immediately following the burial service, marking the start of the seven-day mourning period. The conclusion occurs shortly after the morning service (Shacharit) on the seventh day. This timeline provides a structured period for mourning, allowing individuals to focus on grief and remembrance.
4. Duration Flexibility: Observing Shiva for a Shorter Period
Historically, Shiva has been observed for a full week. However, contemporary practice allows for some flexibility. Families may choose to shorten the Shiva period, adapting it to their individual needs and circumstances. The decision regarding the duration and specific customs rests with the mourning family, reflecting a personalized approach to grief. This flexibility acknowledges that grieving is a deeply personal experience.
5. Holiday Interruptions: When Shiva Ends Early
Jewish tradition recognizes that certain holidays take precedence over the Shiva period, leading to its early conclusion. These holidays include:
- Rosh Hashanah
- Yom Kippur
- Sukkot
- Passover
- Shavuot
If any of these holidays commence during the Shiva period, the Shiva concludes at the holiday’s onset, provided the mourners have already observed some time for Shiva. Other Jewish holidays do not cause Shiva to end early. Additionally, Shiva is paused for Shabbat. This reflects the importance of balancing mourning with the observance of sacred times in the Jewish calendar.
6. Shiva Location: Where Mourning Takes Place
Shiva is traditionally observed in the home of the deceased, creating a central space for family and friends to gather and offer support. If this is not feasible, Shiva can be observed in the home of an immediate family member or a close friend. The key is for the family to be together, fostering a sense of unity and shared mourning during this difficult time. This gathering provides a supportive environment for processing grief.
7. Obligation of Shiva: Whom Do We Mourn?
Jewish law historically specifies that Shiva is observed for the following immediate relatives:
- Parents
- Siblings
- Children
- Spouse
This focus on immediate family reflects the closeness of these relationships and the profound impact of their loss. The observance of Shiva acknowledges these significant bonds and provides a framework for mourning these specific relationships.
8. Ritual Hand Washing: Beginning the Shiva Process
Prior to entering the home where Shiva is being observed, it is customary for mourners and visitors to ritually wash their hands. This is typically done using a pitcher of water and a basin placed outside the front door, symbolizing purification and separation from death.
9. Symbolism of Hand Washing: Why Wash Hands?
The practice of washing hands before entering a house of mourning is rooted in several symbolic interpretations:
- Hygiene: In earlier times, washing hands after burying the dead helped prevent the spread of illness.
- Innocence: In cases of unexplained death, city residents would wash their hands at the cemetery to declare they were not responsible.
- Protection: Hand washing was believed to remove evil spirits potentially encountered at the cemetery.
- Purity: It cleanses individuals from the ritual impurity associated with death and cemeteries.
While this ritual is widely practiced, it is not universally observed by all Jews.
10. Lighting the Shiva Candle: A Symbol of Remembrance
Upon entering the house, a family member typically lights a Shiva candle. This candle, often provided by the funeral home, remains lit for the entire seven-day period. It serves as a continuous symbol of remembrance and honors the soul of the deceased.
11. Origin of the Shiva Candle: Tracing its Roots
Scholarly opinions vary regarding the origin of the Shiva candle. Some believe it dates back to the 13th century, while others suggest it originated with Italian Kabbalists in the 17th century. Regardless of its precise origin, the candle symbolizes both the soul of the deceased and the Shechinah, representing God’s presence. Proverbs 20:27 is often cited: “The light of Adonai is the soul of man.” The Shiva candle serves as a tangible representation of spiritual connection and remembrance.
12. Physical Alterations: Customs in the House of Mourning
Jewish tradition often involves specific physical changes within the house of mourning:
- Low Seating: Using boxes or low stools instead of or alongside chairs.
- Covered Mirrors: Covering all mirrors in the house.
These customs create a distinct environment that supports mourning and reflection.
13. Low Stools: Symbolism and Comfort
During Shiva, immediate family members customarily sit on low stools or boxes, giving rise to the expression “sitting Shiva”. The exact origin is debated, but several theories exist:
- Biblical Reference: Some scholars cite Job 2:13, where Job’s friends sat on the ground to comfort him for seven days and nights.
- Royal Grief: Others point to II Samuel 13:31, where King David mourned by tearing his garments and lying on the ground.
- Connection to the Earth: Sitting closer to the ground symbolizes closeness to the deceased.
Regardless of its origin, sitting on low stools distinguishes the week of mourning from normal life, providing a physical manifestation of grief.
14. Covered Mirrors: Reflecting Inward
There is no specific halachic (Jewish legal) requirement to cover mirrors. However, it is a widely accepted custom that reflects sensitivity to the mourner’s emotional state. By covering mirrors, the custom implicitly conveys that personal appearance is unimportant during this time. This removes any potential embarrassment or pressure related to self-image, allowing mourners to focus on their grief. This practice promotes introspection and emotional healing.
15. Condolence Visits: When and How to Offer Support
Offering condolences is a vital part of supporting mourners. Before the burial, grief is often overwhelming, and the family is busy with arrangements. Therefore, condolence calls are most appropriate after the burial, during the Shiva week.
16. Ancient Origins: The Value of Comforting Mourners
Jewish scholars view condolence calls as an ancient custom, rooted in divine example. The Talmud (Sotah 14a) teaches that consoling mourners originated with God. Citing Genesis 25:11, “After the death of Abraham, God brought blessing to Isaac his son,” the Talmud suggests that we are commanded to comfort the bereaved, just as Isaac was comforted by God. Job 2:13 is also cited as an early example, when Job’s friends “sat down with him upon the ground…for they saw that his grief was very great.” The Jewish value of nichum aveilim, emphasizes the historical obligation to visit the house of mourning during Shiva.
17. Shiva Condolence Etiquette: How to Be Present
Tradition suggests entering a house of mourning without knocking or ringing the doorbell to avoid disturbing the mourners. While this custom isn’t always observed today, it’s considerate to try the door before ringing. Upon entering, a family member or friend will often greet you and lead you to the mourner. It’s customary to wait for the mourner to speak first. A simple “I’m sorry,” a touch, or a hug can offer immense comfort. The focus of a condolence call is to listen to and support the mourner, allowing them to share memories or discuss whatever they wish. Visits typically last no longer than 30 minutes, with the primary goal being to offer support and listen.
18. Gifts and Flowers: What to Bring (and Not Bring)
With the exception of food, it is not customary to bring gifts or flowers to the house of mourning. Your presence is the most valuable offering. If desired, you can make a donation to the deceased’s favorite charity or synagogue in their memory. The act of being present and offering support is the core purpose of a condolence visit.
19. The Meal of Condolence: S’udat Havraah
At the beginning of Shiva, a special meal known as s’udat havraah is served. This Hebrew term refers to the first meal provided to mourners upon returning from the cemetery, often called the “meal of condolence.”
20. Historical Origins: The First Meal After Burial
The s’udat havraah is first mentioned in the Talmud, which directs that the first meal after a loved one’s burial should be provided by friends. This meal, prepared by neighbors, relatives, and fellow congregants, helps the mourner begin to accept life again. This communal act of providing nourishment symbolizes support and care during a time of loss.
21. Traditional Foods: Symbolic Nourishment
The traditional meal of comfort typically includes lentils, hard-boiled eggs, and bread – all foods that are symbolically associated with life in Judaism. If the family keeps kosher, the meal is often dairy. These foods are carefully chosen to offer both physical and emotional sustenance.
22. Eggs: A Symbol of Life and Hope
Eggs represent a potent symbol of life. During Passover seders, a joyous occasion, eggs are dipped in salt water to acknowledge that life includes both joy and sorrow. Similarly, during the s’udat havraah, hard-boiled eggs affirm hope in the face of death. This symbol underscores the cyclical nature of life and the enduring presence of hope.
23. Bread: The Staff of Life
Bread is considered the staff of life in Judaism, as well as in many other cultures and faiths. At a time of mourning, it is especially appropriate as it symbolizes sustenance and continuity. This simple food provides a grounding element during a time of significant disruption and grief.
24. Liquor: Moderation and Comfort
The Talmud suggests that it is praiseworthy for friends to provide mourners with wine. This is based on Proverbs 31:6–7: “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto the bitter in soul; let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his trouble no more.” However, wine or liquor should be consumed in moderation and not used to avoid the reality of bereavement. The meal of consolation is a mitzvah, not a social event. This approach to alcohol balances comfort with the need for genuine mourning.
25. Offering Food Throughout Shiva: Sustaining the Mourners
Friends and community members often bring food to the house of mourning throughout Shiva, relieving the family of everyday concerns. This act of caring allows the mourners to focus on their grief without the added burden of meal preparation. It is a tangible expression of support and community solidarity.
26. Multiple Condolence Calls: Ongoing Support
For those close to the deceased’s family, it is appropriate to visit more than once during Shiva, especially to attend the daily minyan. Ongoing presence and support can be incredibly meaningful to the mourners. These repeated visits reinforce the sense of community and shared grief.
27. Shiva Minyan: Religious Service at the House of Mourning
A daily service, known as a Shiva minyan, is customarily held in the house of mourning, typically in the late afternoon or early evening. This brief service allows the mourners to recite the Kaddish, the prayer recited in memory of the deceased. It can also be a time for sharing memories of the deceased. The mourners may gather for a meal following the service.
28. Shabbat Observance: Respecting the Day of Rest
Jewish law prohibits sitting Shiva on Shabbat, so most people do not receive visitors from sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday. This break provides a respite from the intensity of mourning and allows for observance of the Sabbath. This pause respects the importance of both mourning and religious observance.
29. Remote Support: Offering Condolences from Afar
If you cannot be physically present during Shiva, sending a card or note is a thoughtful gesture. If you were close to the deceased, a phone call would also be welcome. You can also make a donation to the deceased’s favorite charity or synagogue in their memory. These acts of remote support demonstrate your care and concern despite the distance.
30. Marking the End of Shiva: Re-Entry into the World
To mark the end of Shiva, some Jews follow the custom of taking a walk around the block. This tenderly symbolizes the mourners’ gradual re-entry into the outside world. Friends and family can accompany the mourners on this walk as a show of support. This simple act signifies a transition from intense mourning to a renewed engagement with life.
Understanding Shiva offers insight into the Jewish approach to grief and mourning. This structured period provides a supportive framework for navigating loss and returning to life while honoring the memory of loved ones.
FAQ: Common Questions About Shiva
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| What is the primary purpose of Shiva? | To provide a structured period for mourners to grieve, remember the deceased, and receive support from the community. |
| Who traditionally observes Shiva? | Immediate family members, including parents, siblings, children, and spouses of the deceased. |
| Can the duration of Shiva be shortened? | Yes, some families choose to observe a shorter Shiva period based on their individual needs and circumstances. |
| What is the significance of low stools? | Sitting on low stools symbolizes humility and closeness to the earth, representing a connection to the deceased. |
| Why are mirrors covered during Shiva? | To remove any focus on personal appearance and allow mourners to concentrate on their grief and reflection. |
| Is it appropriate to bring gifts to Shiva? | No, except for food, it is not customary to bring gifts. Your presence and support are the most valued offerings. |
| What is the s’udat havraah? | The meal of condolence served to mourners upon returning from the cemetery, symbolizing the return to life and providing nourishment. |
| What is a Shiva minyan? | A daily religious service held in the house of mourning, allowing mourners to recite the Kaddish and share memories of the deceased. |
| Can you visit during Shabbat? | No, it is generally not appropriate to visit during Shabbat, as Jewish law prohibits sitting Shiva on this day. |
| How can you offer support remotely? | Send a card or note, make a phone call, or donate to the deceased’s favorite charity or synagogue. |
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