When I was in seventh grade, I enrolled in a home economics class for a semester. Even now, decades later, those nine weeks in a classroom designed to mimic a “house” feel like a strange film playing in my memory. Our teacher was a tall, elegant woman with perfectly styled hair and makeup. She spoke in a soft, calm voice, always wearing an apron over her long, modest dresses.
It was as if she was embodying a traditional housewife from the 1950s – or a “tradwife,” as they’re called today, a term we’ll explore further. Although the class was mixed-gender, she emphasized the importance of skills like sewing, cooking, and cleaning. She would ask us if we knew how to properly make a bed and who in our families was responsible for tasks like grocery shopping and other household chores.
Recently, I’ve found myself reflecting on that class from over 30 years ago, as the term “tradwife” has become increasingly prevalent on social media. Here in 2024, “tradwife,” short for traditional wife, is a trending topic. It’s often compared to being a stay-at-home mom, but they aren’t the same thing. Let’s delve into what parents should understand about the tradwife trend and its current popularity.
Tradwife Definition: What Does It Mean to be a Tradwife?
I often wonder if that home economics class was intended to instill in the female students the idea that these domestic skills could potentially overshadow higher education or a professional career. Was our teacher suggesting that one day the boys would pursue careers while the girls would embrace the dutiful role of “wife”? Were we, the girls, meant to use our newfound baking, sewing, cooking, and cleaning skills solely to please a future husband? These questions feel even more relevant now with the resurgence of the tradwife trend.
For those unfamiliar, a tradwife is a married woman who adopts traditional gender roles, primarily focusing on homemaking and supporting her husband by raising children, cooking meals, and maintaining a clean home, while he acts as the primary financial provider.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/GettyImages-520828835-34a39047156b4919a7940589822031d3.jpg)
According to Meg Tibayan, a parenting expert, home educator, and co-founder of Bright Sprouts, “This lifestyle choice reflects mid-20th-century ideals that heavily emphasized domestic duties and family care.” Think of the 1950s era, embodied by matriarch June Cleaver from Leave It to Beaver.
“For some, it represents a return to traditional values and a way of life that they see as fulfilling and meaningful. On the other hand, detractors view it as an attempt to restrict women’s rights and limit their potential.”
— Meg Tibayan, parenting expert, home educator, and co-founder of Bright Sprouts
The Tradwife Aesthetic on Social Media
Tradwife influencer @esteecwilliams, in an explainer video, described tradwives as women who have chosen to “submit to their husbands and serve them.”
Social media platforms are overflowing with #tradwife content. These meticulously curated feeds offer glimpses into seemingly idyllic lives, showcasing elaborate, home-cooked meals made with fresh ingredients in spacious kitchens, joyful family moments with smiling children playing outdoors without screens or tantrums in sight, impeccably tidy homes, and the long, flowing dresses that often serve as the unofficial tradwife uniform.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/Screen-Shot-2024-05-22-at-1.28.25-PM-a7162e3a14c24543852a82b4b069734a.png)
The tradwife movement presents itself as a positive force in women’s lives, often overlooking how some of its core principles might appear outdated or even regressive to some.
Another TikTok user, @Ivyoutwest, expressed confusion regarding the controversy surrounding tradwives. She argues that the tradwife lifestyle isn’t just a fleeting trend among Millennials and Gen Z. Instead, she asserts that being a tradwife is the “oldest lifestyle in the book,” suggesting that before the term “tradwife,” these women were simply known as “stay-at-home moms,” and before that, just “women.”
A further complexity within the tradwife phenomenon is that while they often claim to not work, and more importantly, not desire to work outside the home, tradwives are actively engaged in the labor of filming, editing, and maintaining a social media presence. Some even monetize their online platforms.
Despite promoting traditional values, they are constantly reliant on modern smartphones. Furthermore, while they often portray their husbands as the family’s cornerstone, their families’ recognition largely stems from their own social media work and online persona.
Why is the Tradwife Trend Gaining Popularity Now?
The recent surge in interest in tradwife content can likely be attributed to Hannah Neeleman, the woman behind @ballerinafarm on Instagram. Neeleman, a Juilliard-trained ballerina, gave up her professional dance aspirations upon marrying her husband. They now have eight children, and Neeleman, a frequent beauty pageant contestant, was crowned Mrs. America in 2023. After purchasing farmland in Utah – both Neeleman and her husband are Mormon – the Ballerina Farm phenomenon was born.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/Screen-Shot-2024-05-22-at-1.38.09-PM-9e9900b5284542198657ec7033e5374c.png)
Neeleman’s life seemed to possess all the elements for aspirational, highly engaging content that captivated Instagram users. She embodies conventional American beauty standards. She never appears stressed or complains about childcare. Her idyllic farm life features wholesome, tech-free activities, a stark contrast to mundane office jobs. She’s consistently seen baking bread with a smile, gardening, playing with her children outdoors, and managing a successful farm business.
However, devoted followers began to feel misled upon discovering that Neeleman’s husband, Daniel, is the son of the founder of JetBlue and five other airlines. Her lifestyle, it turned out, is not easily attainable or accessible to the average person without significant wealth. One detail that highlighted this disparity was the revelation that her Aga stove alone costs $30,000.
Adding to the shift in perception, a July 2024 profile of Neeleman in The Times seemed to depict her as somewhat discontented – even feeling mistreated and overwhelmed by her husband and the demands of motherhood.
Tradwife vs. Stay-at-Home Mom: Key Differences
It’s crucial to distinguish between a tradwife and a stay-at-home mom. While tradwives are stay-at-home wives, they are not simply stay-at-home moms by definition. In fact, the tradwife concept often goes beyond the practicalities of stay-at-home parenting.
According to Tibayan, many mistakenly equate tradwives with stay-at-home moms, assuming any woman prioritizing home life fits into the tradwife category.
“Tradwives often promote a return to what they see as more ‘natural’ gender roles, which can sometimes be viewed as regressive or contrary to modern feminist ideals,” Tibyan explains.
The concept of being a tradwife has sparked considerable controversy, partly because it can appear to glorify and romanticize a time when women were expected to exist primarily to support their husbands, performing demanding, often unacknowledged domestic labor to maintain their homes and raise children, often with limited support.
It’s important to note that stay-at-home motherhood is often a temporary phase, sometimes necessitated by childcare costs or availability, whereas the tradwife lifestyle is generally viewed as a more permanent commitment to these traditional gender roles and ideologies.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/GettyImages-1208279243-2000-ff4f0660a2764b058549a46a75496c4b.jpg)
“This perspective is viewed by many as undermining the significant progress women have made toward equality. Unlike stay-at-home moms, who may choose to stay home for practical reasons, such as childcare or they simply enjoy household management, tradwives adhere strictly to traditional gender roles, driven by a distinct belief in their necessity and virtue.”
— Rachel Goldberg, MS, LMFT
The Controversy Surrounding the Tradwife Movement
The idea of a tradwife can be polarizing because many individuals, regardless of gender, no longer adhere to rigid traditional gender roles.
Much tradwife content depicts a life seemingly untouched by stress or worry, suggesting that financial security provided by a husband eliminates these concerns. The narrative often implies that a woman’s sole focus should be childcare and homemaking, reinforcing the idea that this is a woman’s inherent purpose. However, Moore points out that by presenting this “ideal picture,” tradwife content often ignores the potential downsides of financial dependence.
“None of the trending tradwife videos admit that being a ‘happy’ tradwife depends largely on two things: how much money there is for the household and how good of a person your husband is,” Moore states. “For every seemingly wealthy tradwife on social media who appears to effortlessly manage childcare and housework throughout the day, there are countless others who face financial hardship, feel overwhelmed by the workload, or are unfortunately in difficult marriages and lack the financial independence to leave.”
Reflecting back on my junior high home economics class, even then, loopholes existed within the traditional homemaking framework. For instance, tradwife @jasminedinis2 on TikTok ironically sells courses on how to become a tradwife for a hefty price of $5,900.
Key Takeaway
Meg Tibayan emphasizes that the topic of tradwives should be approached with an open and respectful mindset towards individual choices.
“While the lifestyle may not resonate with everyone, understanding the motivations and values behind it can foster more constructive conversations,” she explains. “Always strive to differentiate between personal preference and societal pressure. Empowerment comes in many forms and is about supporting each woman in her journey, whether she embraces traditional roles or forges new paths.”
