Growing up, the emergence of sexual feelings felt like navigating uncharted territory. As a pre-teen, puberty brought with it a confusing mix of emotions and sensations, with my understanding of sex limited to vague movie portrayals and a brief, awkward conversation with my mother. Like many young Christians, my initial understanding of sexuality was heavily shaped by purity culture, which essentially preached: abstain from sexual thoughts and actions until marriage. This was a daunting prospect, especially as sexual thoughts became increasingly prevalent during my high school years. The prevailing message seemed to be that sex was a topic best avoided altogether unless you were already married. Consequently, I internalized my questions and struggles, maintaining a facade of adherence to this unspoken rule.
This approach, however, led to a distorted perception of God’s intended design for my desires. I adopted a ‘learn as you go’ mentality, oscillating between craving physical affection and fearing I had crossed some invisible line in my relationships. Compounding this confusion was a hidden addiction to masturbation that had persisted for years, and a growing tendency to use physical intimacy as an escape from insecurity and anxiety.
It wasn’t until my twenties that the realization dawned on me: I was struggling with lust. This revelation was devastating. I was acutely aware of the Scriptural warnings against sexual immorality, particularly 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”
The challenge was immense. I felt deeply hypocritical, especially in prayer. The stronger my resolve to turn away from this sin, the more intense the pull of fantasy and dissociation became.
During this period of internal struggle, God, in His grace, guided me to teachers who openly shared their own battles with lust and how God had reshaped their understanding of sexuality within the framework of His divine plan. Their vulnerability offered a lifeline, breaking the cycle of self-condemnation and initiating my personal journey toward sanctification and freedom from the grip of lust.
Defining Lust: More Than Just Sexual Desire
It’s crucial to understand that lust extends beyond mere sexual desire. The Oxford English Dictionary provides a comprehensive definition of lust as “a sensual appetite regarded as sinful.” This definition broadens the scope of lust, applying it to excessive desires for virtually anything – be it money, power, status, or possessions. But what makes lust inherently sinful?
Phylicia Masonheimer, a respected author and Bible teacher, offers insightful clarity: “A lustful mind is more focused on its desire than on the consequences of that desire. It is irrational, both sensual and insensitive. Lust is focused on satisfying a want that it perceives as a need…. [It] essentially says, ‘I am god of this area of my life.’” [1]
In essence, lust is a distorted form of desire. It’s important to remember that desires themselves are not inherently negative. God created us with desires for a purpose. These longings are intended to direct us towards ultimate fulfillment in Him and the profound mystery of our Creator. However, lust seeks to satisfy these desires through alternative means, effectively bypassing God. When we succumb to lust, the desire itself becomes the driving force in our lives, leading us to manipulate and objectify others to achieve what we crave.
The insidious nature of sexual lust lies in its ability to manifest within the confines of our minds, hidden from external observation. Practices like pornography and masturbation exemplify this. While there may be no immediately visible harm, these actions involve using another person’s body for our personal gratification. We are, in effect, degrading another individual created in God’s image, reducing their worth (and our own) to mere physical attributes. This is why God vehemently opposes lust. It not only mocks His creation but also corrupts the sacredness of sex, distorting its purpose from a selfless expression of love to a pursuit of individual pleasure.
Reframing Desire: A Path to Redemption
So, how do we effectively confront and overcome lust?
My initial attempts to suppress impure thoughts and actions were met with failure. I mistakenly believed that sheer willpower could conquer this hidden sin. However, I discovered that lust is not merely a behavioral issue, but a deeply rooted spiritual problem that requires a spiritual solution.
Instead of trying to extinguish our desires, the key is to allow God to reshape them. Dr. Christopher West, through his extensive work with the Theology of the Body Institute, offers valuable insights into this process.
He explains, “There’s another way to experience our sexual desires. Most people think…that we only have two choices with our sexual desires: indulge them or repress them…. [But] indulge and repress are not the only two options. Christ came into the world not to condemn those with disordered sexual desires, but to restore the original order of sexual desires.” [2]
Redeemed desires center on Jesus. We begin to recognize our desires as gifts, pointing us towards the infinite as we pursue purity and holiness in partnership with God’s grace. God is faithful to renew us through the Holy Spirit (Ezekiel 36:25-27). Our part is to actively engage in this transformative process. This involves taking proactive steps to protect ourselves from triggers – media, literature, or situations that incite temptation. Engage in honest prayer about your heart’s condition, seek truth about your desires in Scripture, and break free from isolation by seeking accountability with a trusted individual, such as a counselor or a mature Christian mentor. As you embark on this journey toward freedom, allow the Father to guide your steps.
“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21
If you are struggling with addiction related to lust, please know that you are not alone. Resources and support are available to help. Please click here to connect with someone who can assist you.
Further Resources:
Blog: What God Says About Sex by Makayla Czeder
Book: Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had by Phylicia Masonheimer
Free Email Course: Lust-Free Living by Phylicia Masonheimer
Blog Post: Hope for the Not-So-Good Girl by Phylicia Masonheimer
Book: Theology of the Body for Beginners by Dr. Christopher West
YouTube: The Death of Porn | The Link feat. Ray Ortlund
YouTube: Why God Gave Us Bodies | Theology of the Body
Institute YouTube: This is Where You Draw the Line for LUST | Theology of the Body Institute
[1] Masonheimer, P. (2021). Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had (2nd ed., p. 31). Phylicia Masonheimer.
[2] Theology of the Body Institute. (2023, January 30). Indulge or repress #shorts [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsP9Mvetc48
