What Is Shiva In Judaism? It’s a deeply meaningful period of mourning, and WHAT.EDU.VN can help you understand its traditions and significance. This comprehensive guide explores Shiva observances, customs, and their origins. Discover resources and answers to your questions on related Jewish mourning practices like condolence calls and the s’udat havraah.
1. What is Shiva in Judaism?
Shiva, a Hebrew term signifying “seven,” denotes a seven-day period of formalized mourning practiced by the immediate family of the deceased in Judaism. It’s a time for intense grief and disorientation, and Jewish tradition acknowledges that grief extends far beyond this initial period, offering rituals to support mourners afterward.
2. What is the Origin of Shiva?
The Talmud (Sanhedrin 108b) suggests that the practice of Shiva predates the Flood, as described in the story of Noah in Genesis.
The Rabbis of the Talmud reference Genesis 7:10 as the earliest instance of Shiva: “And it came to pass, after the seven days, that the waters of the Flood were upon the earth.” They interpret these seven days as a period of mourning for Methuselah, the oldest man in history. Genesis 50:10 provides an even more explicit reference: “And he [Joseph] mourned for his father [Jacob] for seven days.”
3. When Does Shiva Begin and End?
Shiva commences immediately following the burial and concludes shortly after the morning service (Shacharit) on the seventh day.
4. Does Everyone Observe Shiva for the Entire Seven Days?
While traditionally, Shiva is observed for a full week, some Jews may opt for a shorter Shiva period. The duration and specific customs observed are at the discretion of the mourning family.
Jewish tradition dictates that Shiva may end early under certain circumstances. Specific holidays – Rosh HaShanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover or Shavuot – falling during the Shiva period will conclude Shiva when the holiday begins, provided the mourners have already observed some of the Shiva period. Shiva does not conclude early for other Jewish holidays. Shiva is paused for Shabbat.
5. Where is Shiva Typically Observed?
Shiva is traditionally observed in the home of the deceased. If this is not feasible, it may be observed in the home of an immediate family member or even a close friend. The most important factor is that the family is together during this time.
6. For Whom is Shiva Observed?
Historically, Jewish law prescribes the observance of Shiva for one’s parents, sibling, child, or spouse.
7. What are the First Steps in Beginning Shiva?
Prior to entering the home, it’s tradition for mourners and friends to ritually wash their hands, using a pitcher of water and a basin placed outside the front door.
8. What is the Significance of Washing Hands Before Entering the Shiva Home?
The custom of hand-washing is generally explained in one of four ways:
- In earlier times, when Jews buried their own dead, they washed their hands to prevent illness before returning home.
- In ancient times, if someone died of mysterious causes, the inhabitants of that city often washed their hands at the cemetery, symbolically affirming their innocence in the death.
- Later, washing the hands became a ritual to ward off evil spirits that some believed might attach themselves at the cemetery.
- Another explanation is that it cleanses oneself from the ritual impurity associated with death and the cemetery.
While many Jews observe this hand-washing ritual, it’s not a universal practice.
9. What Happens After Entering the House of Mourning?
Upon entering the house, a member of the family usually lights a Shiva candle, often provided by the funeral home. This candle burns for the entire seven days of Shiva.
10. What is the Origin and Symbolism of the Shiva Candle?
While some scholars believe the custom originated in the 13th century, others trace it to Italian kabbalists in the 17th century. Regardless of its origins, the candle symbolizes both the soul of the deceased and the Shechinah, the light of God’s presence. Scholars often cite Proverbs 20:27: “The light of Adonai is the soul of man.”
11. Are There Specific Physical Changes Made to the House of Mourning?
Yes. Two customs are particularly notable:
- Replacing chairs with boxes or low stools, or placing them in addition to chairs.
- Covering all mirrors.
12. What is the Significance of Sitting on Low Stools During Shiva?
It’s customary for immediate family members to sit on low stools or boxes during the Shiva period. This practice likely gave rise to the expression “sitting Shiva.” The exact origin of the custom is unknown. Some scholars reference Job 2:13, which describes Job’s three friends arriving to comfort him and “sat beside him on the ground for seven days and seven nights.” Others trace it to II Samuel 13:31, where King David tears his garments and lays himself on the ground in grief. Still others believe sitting on stools brings us closer to the ground, and thus, symbolically, to our loved ones.
Whatever the origin, this custom has become widely accepted by Jews as a means of expressing grief and distinguishing this week of sorrow from everyday life.
13. Why are Mirrors Covered in a House of Mourning?
There’s no universal halachic (Jewish legal) prescription for covering mirrors. The wide acceptance of this custom likely stems from its sensitivity to human emotions.
Generally, mourners don’t leave the home during Shiva. They also refrain from shaving, using makeup, or trying to “look their best.” Covering mirrors subtly conveys to the grief-stricken individual that personal appearance is unimportant at this time, removing any potential cause for embarrassment.
While neither sitting on stools nor covering mirrors is central to mourning in Reform Judaism, some Reform Jews choose to incorporate one or both practices into their personal observance.
14. Is it Appropriate to Visit the House of Mourning? If So, When?
Before the burial, grief is often overwhelming, making it difficult for even the most well-meaning friend to offer consolation. Additionally, the immediate family is often preoccupied with the practical arrangements for the burial and funeral. Therefore, the appropriate time for a condolence call begins after the interment, during the Shiva week.
Jewish scholars view the condolence call as an ancient custom. The Talmud (Sotah 14a) teaches that comforting mourners was originally an act of God, citing Genesis 25:11: “After the death of Abraham, God brought blessing to Isaac his son.” Thus, the Talmud states, just as Isaac was consoled by God’s presence, we are commanded to bring comfort to loved ones with our presence.
Many commentators cite Job 2:13 as the first instance of a condolence call, when Job’s three friends “sat down with him upon the ground…for they saw that his grief was very great.”
The Jewish value of nichum aveilim, or comforting the mourner, refers in part to the historical obligation to visit the house of mourning during the Shiva period.
15. What is Expected During a Shiva Condolence Call?
Traditionally, one does not knock or ring the doorbell, but simply enters a house of mourning, to avoid disturbing the mourners. While this custom isn’t always observed today, it’s a good idea to try the door before ringing the bell when paying a Shiva call.
Upon entering, a family member or friend often greets visitors, leading them into the living room or the room where the mourner is sitting. It’s customary to wait to speak until after the mourner speaks. Once acknowledged, a simple “I’m sorry” is sufficient. That simple phrase, a touch, or a hug will often mean more to the mourner than words can express.
Shiva is a time to reminisce, remember, and share memories of the loved one. A key focus of a condolence call is to listen to the memories the mourner wishes to share or to discuss other topics initiated by the mourner that may not be directly related to the loss.
Shiva condolence calls don’t need to be long, typically lasting around 30 minutes. Supporting, listening, and responding to the mourner are the primary goals.
16. Should I Bring a Gift or Flowers to a Shiva Visit?
No. With the exception of food, it’s not customary to bring anything to the house of mourning. Your presence is the most important thing. If you wish, you can make a donation to the deceased’s favorite charity or to a synagogue in their memory.
17. Is Food Typically Served at Shiva?
Yes. At the beginning of Shiva, there is a meal called s’udat havraah, a Hebrew term referring to the first meal served to mourners in the house of mourning upon returning from the cemetery. It is commonly known as the “meal of condolence.”
18. What is the Origin of the s’udat havraah?
The first mention of the s’udat havraah is in the Talmud, which directs that the first meal after the burial of a loved one must be provided by friends. The meal, prepared by neighbors, relatives, and fellow congregants, helps the mourner begin to accept life again.
19. What Foods are Typically Served at the s’udat havraah?
The traditional meal of comfort usually includes lentils, hard-boiled eggs, and bread – all foods associated with life in Judaism. Often, this meal is a dairy meal if the family keeps kosher.
20. What is the Significance of Eating Eggs at the s’udat havraah?
Eggs are a clear symbol of life. At the seder table on Passover, a joyous occasion, they are dipped in salt water to acknowledge that life sometimes brings tears and pain. At the s’udat havraah, a time of grief, we eat hard-boiled eggs to affirm hope in the face of death.
21. What is the Significance of Eating Bread at the s’udat havraah?
Bread is considered the staff of life in Judaism and in virtually every major faith and culture. It’s especially appropriate during a time of mourning.
22. Is Alcohol Permitted at the s’udat havraah?
Yes. In fact, one Talmudic passage suggests it is praiseworthy for friends to provide mourners with wine, based on Proverbs 31:6–7: “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto the bitter in soul; let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his trouble no more.” Of course, wine or liquor should be consumed in moderation and should not be used to avoid the reality of bereavement or feelings of loss. The meal of consolation is a mitzvah (a sacred obligation), not a social event.
23. May Friends Bring Food to the House of Mourning Throughout Shiva?
Yes. Freeing the family from everyday concerns during Shiva is considered an act of great caring. The beginning of Shiva also offers friends an opportunity to express their sympathy through visits to the home. At the same time, those in mourning begin a process that will ultimately lead them back to the world. This process involves many customs with a twin rationale: acceptance of death and a determination to return to life.
24. Is it Appropriate to Pay More Than One Condolence Call During Shiva?
Yes. Especially for those close to the deceased’s family, it’s appropriate to visit each day, particularly for the daily minyan, which is a central custom of Shiva.
25. Will There Be a Religious Service at the House of Mourning?
It’s customary to hold a daily service, known as a Shiva minyan, usually in the late afternoon or early evening. This brief service allows the mourners to recite the Kaddish, the prayer recited in memory of the deceased. It can also be a time for publicly sharing memories of the deceased. Sometimes, the mourners gather for a meal following the brief service.
26. Can I Visit Mourners on Shabbat?
Since Jewish law prohibits sitting Shiva on Shabbat, most people do not receive visitors during Shabbat (from sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday).
27. What If I Cannot Be Physically Present During Shiva?
If you cannot be present, it is thoughtful and comforting to write a card or note. If you were close to the deceased, mourners would usually also welcome a phone call. It can also be thoughtful to make a donation to the deceased’s favorite charity or to a synagogue in their memory.
28. How Does a Mourning Family Mark the End of Shiva?
Some Jews find it meaningful to follow a Jewish custom to mark the end of Shiva: a walk around the block. This can tenderly symbolize mourners’ slow reentry into the outside world. Friends and family can accompany mourners on this walk as a show of support.
29. FAQ about Shiva in Judaism
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| What is the main purpose of Shiva? | The main purpose of Shiva is to provide a structured period for mourners to grieve, receive support from the community, and begin the process of healing after the loss of a loved one. It is a time for reflection, remembrance, and sharing memories. |
| How does Shiva differ from other mourning periods in Judaism? | Shiva is the initial, most intensive period of mourning, lasting seven days. It is followed by Shloshim (30 days) and, for the loss of a parent, Yahrzeit (a year). Each period has its own customs and restrictions, with Shiva being the most strict. |
| What are some common misconceptions about Shiva? | Some common misconceptions include the idea that mourners must be completely isolated, that visitors should offer unsolicited advice, or that the period of Shiva is meant to erase grief entirely. In reality, it’s about community support and gradually re-engaging with life while honoring the deceased. |
| What is the role of community during Shiva? | The community plays a vital role during Shiva by providing meals, offering prayers and support, and simply being present to listen and comfort the mourners. The presence of a minyan (quorum of ten adults) for prayer is also a significant aspect of community support. |
| Can non-Jews participate in Shiva? | Yes, non-Jews can participate in Shiva by offering condolences, bringing food, and providing support to the mourners. It is a universal act of compassion to comfort those who are grieving, regardless of religious background. |
| How has Shiva changed over time? | While the core elements of Shiva have remained consistent, some customs have evolved to accommodate modern lifestyles. For example, shorter Shiva periods or virtual condolence calls may be observed due to travel constraints or other practical considerations. |
| What is the significance of the Kaddish prayer during Shiva? | The Kaddish prayer is a central part of the Shiva minyan and is recited in memory of the deceased. It is a prayer of praise and sanctification of God’s name, and its recitation provides comfort and a sense of connection to the deceased. |
| How does one prepare for a Shiva visit? | To prepare for a Shiva visit, it’s important to come with a compassionate and listening attitude. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or trying to minimize the mourner’s grief. Simply offering your presence and support is often the most meaningful gesture. |
| What are the rules for mourners during shiva? | Mourners typically refrain from work, entertainment, and activities that bring joy. They often wear torn clothing or a mourning ribbon, sit on low stools, and avoid shaving or wearing makeup. These practices are meant to allow mourners to focus on their grief and receive comfort from the community. |
| Where can I learn more about shiva? | You can learn more about Shiva by consulting with a rabbi, reading books on Jewish mourning practices, or visiting websites like WHAT.EDU.VN, which offer information and resources on Jewish traditions and customs. |
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